worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
