I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You made out with two different species that night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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