This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
