who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
