What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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