oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
