The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
