just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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