I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
