the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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