Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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