There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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