Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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