I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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