so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
