I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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