Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize