he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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