you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
