when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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