overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
