look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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