we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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