FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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