Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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