I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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