if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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