I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
