I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
