oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
