i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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