3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.