I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...