i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.