The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.