She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME