Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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