I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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