grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
