i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
