New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
