By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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