bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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