I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
