yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
