maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
