Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
