Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
