every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
