Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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