Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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