Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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