Need sex. Gaining weight.
Fuck appropriateness.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
