the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
