I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
