so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
