i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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