So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
