i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
