I think scott just propositioned me for sex
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
