Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
