ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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