Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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