Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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