Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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