Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
