ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
