I bet he comes in French.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
