why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
