I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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