My cat gives me a boner
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
