I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Barsexuality is the new black.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
