you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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